Abby's Status

Thank you for my new jammy's

If you are looking for Day One please start at the bottom.
Monday, May 31 2pm
Happy Memorial Day! I hope that you got the chance to reflect on the price so many have paid for our freedom. The sacrifice that so many have made, and are making (including their families) must never be forgotten or taken for granted. Please remember our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines in your prayers, and ask for extra grace and strength for their loved ones.
It's a special day for another reason. It is Miss Hannah Carver's 5th birthday. She has taught us so much in preparation for the journey our family is now taking. You see, Hannah, the 5th child born to some of our dearest friends, has Down Syndrome. Through her we have seen that special children are some of God's purest blessings. When we wonder what life may be like with Abbie, we think of Hannah and smile as big as she does!
An exciting thing happened yesterday. Dr. O., Abbie's neurologist, was able to sneak up on her and see some of her tricks. Whenever Dr. O. has come to see her, Abbie seems to fall deeply asleep and won't do anything. For the first time yesterday I got to hear Dr. O. say "Yes, she has voluntary movement. Yes, she pulls her foot away when I tickle it. Oh, I see some eye movement." I almost fell over. I have been waiting so long for her to be able to see Abbie do the things we have been watching develop. It was thrilling for all!!
Today Abbie is moving even more. She is lifting her entire leg, and moving her arm from the shoulder. She is blinking at us more and more, and trying to move her head. She listens intently as I talk about special memories we have, and responds with her eyes, and by sucking and dancing. It is incredible to think that she may have some memories left!! Her mouth has started to move a little bit, too. I told Ray that one day she is going to smile at us again!
We crossed a big hurdle toward getting her home. We learned to deep suction her last night. This involves inserting a catheter through her trach and down into her airway. This was intimidating, and I was nervous. But, Chase actually learned first, while Ray and I were at dinner. The nurse said he was wonderful; very gentle and tender, talking to Abbie the whole time. So, if my 13 year old son can do it, who am I to chicken out? It was a piece of cake, and I am glad to be able to make her feel better when she needs it.
Abbie is on a new medicine to help control her secretions, so we are hoping that she will need less suctioning. Major prayer requests are for improving strength and function. Please pray that her muscles would not get tense, especially her thumbs.
Today marks 4 weeks since her accident. In one way it seems like years, and in another I am amazed at how far she has come in such a short time. It is becoming obvious to all who see Abbie that your prayers are helping to unfold a miracle day by day. Thank you for your perseverance!

Daddy's little girl.

Saturday, May 29 10:35am
Big steps sometimes sneak up on us and it takes a while to absorb them. When I got back to Abbie's bedside last night it was around midnight. We were just kind of doing the normal things like bathing her and repositioning her when the nurse suggested to the respiratory therapist that we transition Abbie to room air. He agreed to give it a try and ten minutes later she was without supplemental oxygen and a breathing tube for the first time since her arrival!! It seemed like a perfect opportunity for a little rocking time, so I asked if I could hold her. It was INCREDIBLE to be able to rock her without tubes interfering. I could scarcely believe that she was in my arms, breathing completely on her own -- an answer to such a long-standing prayer.
After a while she did need to go back on the trach collar which gives her humidified air and a little bit of extra oxygen. She slept peacefully for most of the night. This morning she gave a dance performance for our friend Tanya, which brought her Daddy and I, as well as Tanya to tears.
We stood at her bedside and watched President Bush's speech dedicating the WWII Memorial. When the Lord brought the children of Israel across the Jordan river, he commanded that they place memorial stones so that future generations would be reminded of what He had done. In our family we spend time each Memorial Day weekend remembering what the Lord has done for us in the previous year, and more importantly, writing it down. When you see the blessings and provisions start to pile up, the tracings of His hand become so evident. I encourage you to do this with your family this weekend..count your blessings, number them one by one.

Tiffany washing Abbie's pretty hair

Friday, May 28 6pm
Another day of moving equipment out of Abbie's "room". They took that big, bulky ventilator away and gave her just a humidifier instead. What a sweet victory! She continues to breathe well on her own. Would you just pray that her secretions will decrease? We are having to suction her quite a bit, which she despises. Please also pray for her comfort as she heals from her surgery. She is needing less morphine today, but I just don't want her to be in any pain.
God has taught us so much already through this, and one unexpected point He has made is about fear. This situation is every parent's greatest fear. And, while I would give anything not to be here, I must say in the same breath that God is so faithful in sustaining us through this. In the month before Abbie's accident He was really working on me to trust Him by loving my children with abandon, not holding back a corner of my heart for fear that something would happen to them. I obeyed Him, and committed to loving my children without fear. When Abbie's accident happened I momentarily raged against Him for "setting me up." He answered that He had asked me to trust Him, not just to keep them safe, but to trust Him especially if they were in danger. I had missed that part in our earlier conversations. And so I find that He truly is faithful, and my vision of Him now has removed every trace of fear from my life. If I longer have to tremble at my greatest fear, one of my children being hurt or dying, then what have I left to fear in this life? As I was reading through Hebrews during Abbie's surgery, 2:15 stood out in lights: "and might deliver those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives." The fear we bow down to is what enslaves us. The fear we bow down to is what He died to free us from. "There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear" 1 John 4:18. We can walk through this world with peace, assurance, even boldness because our confidence in not in ourselves, but in the One who never changes. "For He has not given us a spirit of timidity (fear), but of power and love and discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

Friday, May 28, 7:30am
So many praises to catch up on! I have not been able to get an update out for a few days, and so many wonderful things have happened. Abbie did have her tracheostomy on Wednesday. She did beautifully. I was so looking forward to seeing her face again, but was completely unprepared for how powerful that moment was. It was as if I'd gotten my little girl back all over again. Just to be able to kiss her sweet little lips (which I did over and over..). She had a pretty red little mustache from the tape, but it has almost all cleared up.
Once we got her settled back into her bed, I asked her doctor if she could have her binky. For the last three weeks she has not had good things in her mouth, and particularly hated being suctioned. So, it took me a while to get her to unclench her teeth. I finally got it in, and the nurse said "Oh, wow!' I asked her what was wrong, and she just said, "As soon as you put that in her heart rate dropped by ten points!" She went to town on that binky, erasing any doubts that the motion she'd been doing with her mouth had been a sucking motion.
She was assisted by the ventilator through the night as she came out of anesthesia and was on morphine for the pain. On Thursday morning they switched the ventilator back to the CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) setting, so that she was doing the breathing for herself. It took her about an hour to become steady at that setting. And, then - the moment we had been praying so hard for! The ventilator was turned completely off at 11am yesterday!!! She now just has something called a "trach collar" that fits over the trach to give her humidified air. She is so strong.
She lets us know when she is feeling pain by becoming very tense and agitated. She is still receiving morphine for her post-op pain, but the dosage will be cut down today.
She was visted by a physical therapist yesterday, and at that time was in a sleep pattern. I told the therapist that Abbie can move her feet to command. She really wanted to see this, so we thought we'd give it a try even though Abbie was sleeping. I asked Abbie to show us her pretty dancing feet. For a moment nothing happened, but then her heart rate and breathing suddenly picked up and she moved her foot for us. It would be fair to say that both the therapist and I were gleeful.
Right before her surgery on Wednesday one of the men who worked on Abbie in the ambulance came to visit her. Initially, I could not get any words out through my tears of gratitude. How can you thank someone for giving your daughter another chance? It was good for both of us, I think, to be able to talk through that day. It takes such a special breed of person to do that job, and I am so thankful that the people who can do that job stick with it, even when it is painful.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers for Abbie and our family, they have sustained us in ways that I can barely comprehend and can't even begin to describe.

Bath time.

Tuesday, May 25 3:36pm
Another great day for Miss Abbie. Her pediatrician spent a good bit of time just watching and observing her this morning. She concluded something that I had suspected but had chalked up to "wishful-mommy-thinking"...Abbie cries tears in response to things that irritate her or cause discomfort. This would include suctioning her tube, changing her diaper, and some of the physical therapy exercises. I was excited to hear her assessment of this, but it broke Ray's heart to think that she is crying.
She will not be having her tracheostomy tomorrow. The surgeons are working on coordinating all of her procedures so that she will only have to go under anesthesia once. Ray and I are also still considering the best options for her, so please pray for wisdom for us in that matter. We are so anxious to see her face again, but even more committed to doing the right thing. Once again, patience, patience, patience!
In most accounts angels are dressed in white or bathed in light. However, as a result of Abbie's accident, we have come to know that some angels wear blue. They have the words "Fire" and "EMS" on their shirts. Ray was able to talk to the EMS supervisor who responded to our call. He is the one who actually scooped Abbie up from the pool deck and carried her to the ambulance. How do you thank people who never gave up, who never quit...even when it seemed like she wasn't going to come back? I think of them every day, and especially in the dark of the night as the incident replays itself over and over in my mind. I pray special blessings on them, and on all the "angels in blue"...your dedication, skill, and determination have given our little girl the chance to fight her way back!

Tuesday, May 25, 4am
In my exhaustion yesterday I forgot the most important part of the update. Ray got to hold Abbie on Sunday evening! He was planning to go to church that evening, but around 5pm the nurse asked if he wanted to hold her. Just like me that morning, rocking our baby won out over church. It is very hard for Abbie's "Big Daddy" to see her like this, he wants so much to be able to just reach out and fix what is broken. It was a big step to have her in his arms again.
I went home to sleep yesterday, but a day-old migraine wouldn't let me, so I came back around 9. I was with two good friends, Kathleen and Sandra, making our midnight cafeteria run (it stays open until 3!), when Kathleen's husband, Pastor Duane, called. Just a few minutes later I told them that my head finally felt better. Kathleen smiled and said when she'd spoken to Duane he'd mentioned he would pray specifically for my headache. The prayers of a righteous man availeth much! I told Kathleen that we have one head down, one to go...keep praying!!
Abbie went through periods of tenseness today, but relaxed for therapy, and is sleeping peacefully now. Please, just keep up the petitions about her muscle tone. We don't have a time for her tracheostomy tomorrow - I will post it as soon as I have it. We are apprehensive, but also excited to see her face again.
I spent yesterday reading "Streams in the Desert". Even though it is a daily devotional, it was too good, and I couldn't restrain myself to just one day. So, first I looked back at May 3rd, the day of Abbie's accident. The verse for that day was " And it shall come to pass that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered." Joel 2:32. There was a wonderful commentary by C.H. Spurgeon, the last paragraph of which read, "My case is urgent, and I do not see how I am to be delivered; but this is no business of mine. He who makes the promise will find ways and means of keeping it. it is mine to obey His commands; it is not mine to direct His counsels. I am His servant, not His solicitor. I call upon Him, and He will deliver."
I believe that we all need deliverance from something. You may think that your situation pales in comparison to Abbie's, but in God's eyes it doesn't. Your trials are the very tools He is using to shape you, just as He is shaping us through Abbie. In fact, because of our desperate circumstance it is almost more natural for us to cry out to God, but I challenge you to do the same in your life today. As you lift up Abbie, consider what God is also able to do in, for and through you!

Monday, May 24. 1:30 pm
Well, we are three weeks post-injury and Abbie continues to improve each day. Today her muscles are much more relaxed than yesterday, which is a big praise and an answer to much prayer. Please continue to pray about this as it may be a long term issue for Abbie. The new thing I've noticed today is her eyes being open when she is in an awake phase. Now, they are not wide open, more of a "half-mast" look. She has been doing it for a couple of days, but I thought it was just kind of an accident, or that they would just drop open when we moved her around. But, today there is no doubt that she is doing it herself and that it corresponds to her wakefulness. She is even blinking somewhat now and then. This is an exciting new step for her.
We have not yet met with the surgeon about her reflux surgery. Ray is going to try to set something up for tomorrow morning so that we can both be there.
A dear friend of ours, and a true Titus 2 woman, Pamela B. gave me a book I've been meaning to read for years, "Streams in the Desert" is a devotional/journal, and Pamela had bookmarked the page for May 22nd. The verse for the day was simply "God worketh" Psalm 37:5. The narrative was wonderful, and I'd love to quote it all for you, but the one line that stuck out was "Do you not see results? He worketh!". Pamela, through this book, like so many of you through your messages, cards, prayers, and actions, has bolstered my faith just when I needed it. I truly believe that though we may not yet see the fruit of it, He worketh!

Sunday May 23, 2:30pm
This is the day that the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! Abbie is again setting the ICU fashion standards thanks to our sweet friends Brian and Mary Knapp. They brought some specially made gowns for Abbie last night - so no more standard issue hospital garb for her! Last night she wore Elmo and Cookie monster, and today she is in pink rosebuds.
I got to hold her again this morning. I had intended to go to church, but the opportunity to hold her won out. I must say, I think it was the truest worship I could have had - to hold my baby and sing His praises.
Her heart rate and BP continue to be steady, and consistently rise when she is mad about getting her diaper changed or her tube suctioned. Today, when the nurses tell her that the suction is coming,she has begun biting down on the tube. Two year olds are two year olds, even in the ICU! Please just pray for her muscles to relax. She goes through periods where they are very tight and her legs shake a little.
We will probably be talking to the surgeon tomorrow about her reflux surgery (Nissen), so I'm hoping that we'll have the dates for both of her surgeries locked in tomorrow. We are nervous about her going under anesthesia, just as we were when Chase had his tonsils out. But, as her ICU Dr. noted today, these surgeries are very big steps on the road toward getting her home. And, it will be wonderful to see her face again with out all the tape.
I am going to take a nap now so that I can do the nightshift tonight. It's an incredible blessing going to sleep knowing that so many continue to lift Abbie up to our Jehovah Rapha, the God Who Heals. Thank you for your faithfulness!

Saturday, May 22, 5:30pm
We met with both the Gastroenterologist and the ENT doctor today. Unfortunately, Abbie's feeding tube surgery will not be as simple as we originally thought. She is having some reflux of the formula they are feeding her. To limit this in the future Abbie needs an additional procedure called a "Nissen" (sp?). We are hoping this can be done laparascopically. The ENT doctor is going to try to coordinate doing her tracheostomy at the same time as the Nissen and G-tube procedures, but it's never been done before. We are just trying to limit the anesthesia Abbie is exposed to. Would you please pray for Abbie's strength during these surgeries, which may take place on Wedsnesday. Ray and I could use an extra measure of wisdom this week as we are making all these decisions.
A few people have commented today on our "unwavering faith" and "remarkable strength." I need to tell you that Ray and I definately have our dark times and weak moments - we just choose not to share those on the world wide web. There was a verse that set me free when I was a new Christian - Mark 9:24 "I believe, help my unbelief." "Wow!" I thought, I can even admit my doubts and ask for his help with those. I cling to that verse now when fear overwhelms me and our challenges seem bigger than our God.
I've been reading through a Beth Moore book "A Heart Like His", about the life of David. The chapter today really spoke to me, but the biggest highlight was "assured victory does not mean easy wins." He promised David a victory, but also mentioned exhaustion, hard-work, a twenty-four hour battle, and escapees. "When He can bring about a victory and strengthen and mature us all at the same time, He's likely to do it!" I praise Him that He cares enough about us to refine us, test us, challenge us, and then pick us up just as we are about to faint. His purposes are so vast I can't even comprehend a speck, but I know it is all good.

Saturday, May 22, 4:25am
More small steps measured by less medications. Abbie came off the Dilantin (seizure medication) yesterday. We praise God that she is not having any seizure activity, since it is very common after an injury like hers. They have also cut her Atavan (calming medication) back to once every 8 hours. She has responded to well to that, and her heart rate is the lowest it has been. Her BP remains very stable and in a good range as well. She now only gets blood drawn one time per day, as compared to 6 times a day in the first 10 days or so. When I got back to the hospital very late last night she was fairly tense. We did her PT routine and she calmed down somewhat, although her muscles remained tight. She is more relaxed now. Would you just pray that her muscles remain relaxed and that I can work with her? It is very common for muscles to become rigid and tense, sometimes requiring medication. We are praying we can avoid that with Abbie.
Today is the twins' last baseball game, so Ray and I will go to that together while my mom keeps Abbie company. This is another big step for us. I pray that we can enjoy the time with the kids and really "be there" with them. I hope that this day brings you special time with the people you love as well.

Friday, May 21 2pm
I am home again after spending a good night with Abbie. Her heart rate is steady and in a good range. Her blood pressure has come down into the normal range for the first time in a while, praise God. Today during therapies and other stimulation her heart rate would rise, but her BP would be stable, which is a good sign.
I was thinking about Job today and how he never wavered in the face of severe testing. As I was meditating on this God just said, "I am the God who restores...." But again, I don't think he necessarily means Abbie's health - I think His restoration for each of us is eternal,complete, and perfect. I was just shouting praises in the car on the way home -- the more I get to know Him the more I am in awe.
Prayer requests for Abbie today would be that she continue to do well breathing on her own and that she respond to stimulus.
It's the weekend now -- have a good laugh with your kids!!!

Friday, May 21 4:35am
Abbie's heart rate has been excellent through the night, and her blood pressure has come down as well. It seems that her body is doing a better job of controlling her vital functions. Another big step was a resetting of the ventilator. They have now switched it to a "CPAP" function, which means that Abbie is doing all the work herself, it just give her a little push if she needs it. That is a huge praise! They took her central line out of her groin and now she just has one IV in her hand. The down side to that is now they have to poke her every time they need blood from her. She loved her physical therapy tonight, and especially responded to the "ending touches", a series of touches that signal the end of the session. I love any excuse to massage her with good smelling lotion!
Ray went home to sleep tonight, and we both agreed that being home has really been good for us. I think that will be our routine now. I was able to see the kids last night, and tuck the boys into bed. Well, actually, I got into bed with them and fell asleep...But, it was great to hear about their newest Lego creations, the birthday party and Shrek 2. Life is sweet even in the midst of the storm.
While I was home I picked up my copy of Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost for His Highest" that was by my bedside. I looked up the verse for the day: "In your patience, possess ye your souls." Luke 21:19 I laughed out loud. No matter where I go, God gives me encouragement and direction. He is using people and His Word each day, in some very amazing ways. I am so grateful that what He is asking of us is patience. It's not a trait that I'm strong in, but He is working in me.
Compared to asking us for Abbie though, patience seems like such a tiny request.
There are some new families in the PICU who seem to be teetering at the brink of having to let their little ones go. Would you lift them up as well today whenever you think of Abbie? May God bless you today.

Thurs, May 20, 1:00pm
I am writing to you from my house! A very big step for both Ray and I was coming home for the first time. I was very apprehensive about the flood of emotions it would unleash. But, I have to tell you that once again, God's grace is more than sufficient. It feels so good to be home. I am going to take a good long rest in my own bed, and will probably feel like a new person when I awake.
Abbie continues to be very stable. I learned some new therapies for her today, and she really responded to them. She moved her legs, squeezed her hands, and moved her arms. I am excited to apply all the things I've learned to help her on her journey.
Thank you for your continued prayers. Your steadfastness and constant encouragement is helping us more than I can adequately describe.

Thurs. May 20, 4:25am
Abbie's heart rate never really came down last night, but she has been stable otherwise. High heart rates and flucuations in her vital signs are not abnormal after an injury like hers, but we are hoping that she mellows out soon. I think that I will get to hold her again this morning, so I'm thrilled about that. Ray actually went home to sleep for the first time last night. It was a big hurdle for him to get over, and I am going to try to follow his lead today. It will be difficult to see all of Abbie's little shoes and toys, but the pain will be cushioned by the fact that we still have her, and she is fighting hard.
Our small group met last night and talked about James chapter 1, specifically about joy, since James tell us to consider it all joy when we fall into trials of various kinds. I've long known that joy and happiness are not synonyms, since happiness is dependent on circumstances but joy is found independently of them. But, until last night that's where my definition stopped - I thought joy was just seeing the best in all situations and knowing that God works in everything. Now I believe that joy can be defined as being in God's presence, and trials are the surest way He draws us to Him. So, when he uses tragedy we must rejoice at how near we come to Him. He promises to never leave us or forsake us and I have felt the reality of that promise every moment.
Today is my parents' 37th wedding anniversary, and unfortunately my mom is here and my dad has returned to Oregon. But, a situation like Abbie's certainly shows us that nothing matters as much as family, and we celebrate across the miles today!

Wednesday, May 19, 10:15pm
I GOT TO HOLD HER TODAY!!!! Right before shift change the incoming Dr. asked if I would like to hold her today. The shock and anticipation wiped away my exhaustion, and I literally skipped down to breakfast while they took out her arterial line IV to make holding her easier. At 8:15am I took my seat in a rocking chair they brought up and just held my breath. It was more overwhelming than any of the times I've held my newborns for the first time. They laid her gently in my arms and I just wept for about 15 minutes. God's grace is just so abundant. Last week I thought that the first time I got to rock her would be the last time, as we would be saying good-bye to her. The fact that I got to cuddle my pink, warm beautiful baby with HOPE and not farewells was more than I could take in. I rocked her for over two hours. My arm fell asleep, my legs were cramping, and the staff thought I was crazy, but I just didn't care! After being up all night, I started to doze around 10:15. I thought that they might not let me hold her again if I dropped her while I was dreaming. So, we got her back up in her bed and all settled again. I wish I had words to describe the softness of her skin and the tenderness of the moments when I finally got to nuzzle her face and sing right into her ear.
God is so good, but He didn't stop with just one miracle today. After a black night the sun was bursting through the clouds this morning, both literally and in my heart. When I was rocking Abbie she repeated a move she'd done earlier that had been witnessed by our dear friend. She moved her foot when I asked her to. She did it more than once. And, she did it while her pediatrician was watching!! We are trying to take each step, both forward and backwards with a steady attitude, but this was really exciting!
Her heart rate has been very, very high since about 2pm today. She is completely off the Versed and seems to be very sensitive to the noises around her. Please just pray that she would quiet down through the night, as she did last night. She has also begun to run a slight fever. Please pray that there will not be any infections!

Weds. May 19, 2:30am
Abbie is now resting quietly after a day of high heart rates and blood pressure. The nurse gave her a dose of Atavan, which is a calming medication (I asked her if perhaps she could slip me some too...). They have turned down her sedation, so the Atavan is just helping her settle down.
Please continue to pray that she would come out of the sedation smoothly and would not be hypersensitive to stimulation. Pray for her gag and cough to return. Please pray for her to be responsive to us. And, please pray for wisdom for us to know what she needs.
I had a friend come by late tonight and it was good just to talk through all the thoughts swirling in my mind. After venting my fears, my sadness, my grief, my guilt, my doubt (obviously, she was here for a long time!), I find that again, God is sufficient. He truly is all we need. My hope is so much greater than just a hope of Abbie's recovery. My hope is based on the fact that God is sovereign, that He works all things for good, and that He loves us. He is certainly able to heal Abbie, but none of us can know the will of God and His purpose for allowing all this to happen. I try to step back and see that there is a much larger picture here than just what is going on in Abbie's body...it's what He's doing THROUGH her that is just as amazing as a healing of her body would be. The only thing I want more than having my little girl back is for God's will to be done. I hope and pray that it's His will for her to heal, but if it isn't, I choose to trust and praise Him anyway.

Tuesday Eve, May 18
Another day of little steps forward for Abbie. They have turned down her Versed (sedative) from yesterday and it seems that she is more aware of her surroundings, judging from her heartrate. She has had many dirty diapers today and the monitor has shrieked for her each time, as her heart rate and BP soar. A friend was tickling her toes today and she lifted her leg three times for him. Not sure if it was in response to the tickles, but we chalked one up for the home team anyway.
They have cut down the dose of Mannitol (brain swelling med) again today, and she will probably get her last dose tomorrow.
We discussed with the doctor the possibillites of getting her feeding tube ("G-tube" inserted in stomach) and a tracheotomy perhaps later this week. She is breathing well above the vent, but doesn't have a strong enough gag to protect her airway. I was really hoping that she wouldn't have to have a trach, but it will be the safest option for her - and, it's not permanent. Please pray that she will start gagging and coughing strongly.
We are starting to have many discussions with the staff about when Abbie goes home. Yep, that's right, "WHEN"!!! Our family will have lots to learn about how to care for Abbie, but we know that home is the best place for her and we anxiously await that day. Please just pray for patience for all of us, and pray that she doesn't get any infections or other complications that would frustrate the current plan.
She is showing us a little bit each day that tells us she is getting stronger. I thank God for His faithfulness and His recognition that we are but dust and need almost constant reassurance. We are keeping all your prayers for Abbie, and I am hoping that as a young woman she will be able to see how many people lifted her before the Lord's throne. Thank you for walking this path with us!

Tuesday, May 18, 4:25am
Sometimes when the machines say something bad, it really means something good is going on...tonight Abbie's oxygen saturation rate in her blood dropped below 90%, which initiated the mild alarm bell on the monitor. This was a new one, and I was a little concerned. It turns out that Miss Abbie was biting down on the ventilation tube, decreasing the amount of oxygen being delivered. Once a feisty girl, always a feisty girl. The matter was taken care of quickly, and she popped right back up to 100%
She has done amazingly well with the ventilator decreased to 8/min. They test her blood gasses to see how well she is breathing, and her labs came back perfect. A huge praise!!
She has been squeezing my hand a lot tonight and moving her legs as well. She is bound and determined to turn that ventilation tube into a binky (aka pacifier) before she is done. At the rate she keeps sucking on it, she just may succeed.
Ray and I have gotten many questions about where we've gotten the faith to sustain us. I think the best answer comes straight out of Scripture.."faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God." Romans 10:17. I didn't really become a student of the Bible until I was on bed rest during my pregnancy with the twins, and had a LOT of time on my hands. God used that time to really grow me up in my faith and give me a hunger for His Word. Through organized Bible studies, church, family devotions and homeschooling God has filled my heart with His Word, and that is the power that is sustaining us. I encourage you - if you don't have a Bible, get one; dust off the one that's on your shelf, or dive into the one you use every day. The whole Bible is a love letter to you, just waiting for you to read it. Through His Word He is providing comfort, endurance and hope to our family and we praise Him for that!

Monday, May 17 9:15pm
Abbie continues her journey back to us. They turned down her vent rate to 8 breaths per minute, and she has handled that well. They have also cut her Mannitol (brain swelling med) to every 8 hours today, and will go to every 12 hours after her dose at 10pm. The doctor is considering backing off on her Versed (sedative) tomorrow, and that would be exciting.
Merle Higa, a wonderful woman from our church, was singing to Abbie earlier this evening. As she sang "Jesus Loves the Little Children" Abbie's feet moved back and forth. Ray and I almost started dancing along.
I also completed an assignment from the nurses - I left the hospital for the first time since the accident two weeks ago. Actually, I did it twice today! First, Ray and I met my family for lunch at the Spaghetti Factory. It was bittersweet because at the table we usually sit there was a family with a girl in a high chair. The pangs in my heart were quickly overcome with the realization that we still have our Abbie, and she may one day be back at that table with us. This evening, during shift change, I went to the mall to get Abbie some good-smelling lotion for bath time. So, tonight she'll end up smelling like a mango or a papaya.
Her eyes have begun to flutter when people talk or sing to her, and when she is stimulated. I am praying for the day when she opens them to see us waiting for her!

Monday, May 17, 4am
Wow! Today will make two weeks in the ICU. The time has moved by in a blur, and I can't believe that this is Day 15. We are still trying to absorb what has happened to Abbie, and sometimes awake thinking and hoping that this is just a dream. She is doing so much better than expected, and we are trying to faithfully keep our eyes on just the next step, and not the entire road in front of us.
Abbie had another good night tonight. We figured out one more thing about her -- she cannot stand wet diapers. Her heart rate was soaring into the 170s and the nurse couldn't figure out why, until she checked her diaper. Once Abbie had a clean diaper on her heart rate dropped to the 130s. Seeing her respond to irritations like a wet diaper are encouraging to me.
The Lord is really teaching us about trust through this. So often we want to trust Him for a decision or a result. He is teaching us that to trust Him means to trust His wisdom too, realizing that the outcome is part of His perfect plan and doesn't need to be our concern. I try to take the energy I burn up agitating about what the future holds and use it to meditate on and praise Him. He is teaching us to trust Him like Abraham did when He called Him to leave Ur. Abraham did not know where he was going, he just followed in faith. When Jesus asked Peter and Andrew to drop their nets and follow Him, they didn't grill him with questions about His plan and the future, they just obeyed. We are being called to the same kind of faith, lived out on paths that can be difficult and rocky. We serve the same God as Abraham, Peter, and Simon - He never changes, and He never fails.

Sun. May 16, 8:45 pm
Abbie has had another stable day with some more small steps forward. They turned down both the ventilator pressure and the oxygen percentage. She is now receiving 26% oxygen, which is only 5% above room air. She has tolerated being turned on her sides today, and it has been nice to see her in different positions.
There is another family here in the PICU that needs the sleeproom tonight, and that makes me sad. Not because we won't be getting any sleep, but because their baby is even sicker than Abbie. I do not know their names, but God does, so would you lift their little one up as well when you remember Abbie?
She has been sucking quite a bit today, and has been fluttering her eyes as well. We really don't know what either of those things mean, but it is nice to see action of any kind.
Please just pray that her blood pressure would stay down and that her heart rate would be normal.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces PATIENCE. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

Sunday, May 16, 6:25am
Some more small steps along Abbie's journey...they removed her catheter yesterday because they thought it looked like it might start to get infected. We were all so pleased when she wet her diapers! I've never been so excited to see a soggy size 4 Huggies. She has wet regularly throughout the night, so that is a big praise.
The pressure from the ventilator was also turned down yesterday. This means that the machine is blowing less hard to get the air into her lungs. She is breathing well above the vent, sustaining normal rates (20-23/minute) for long periods of time.
They decreased the dose of Mannitol (brain swelling medication) that she receives, and today they may space the doses out farther. She has responded well to this.
She does NOT like getting her diaper changed since she has a bit of a diaper rash right now. She flexes her legs, her heart rate soars, and she usually ends up coughing. I've always admitted to my kids that I am a "mean mom", and I suppose my joy at seeing her response to diaper changes proves it!
Today you can pray that her heart rate would be under control. Her blood pressure was up a little more during the night than during the day as well. We are just keeping an eye on these things as her body works to retake control of these functions. We had to skip the spa treatment last night because we didn't want to excite her and have her heart rate jump. More of a bummer for Mom than for her, I am sure.
The twins spent the night with Dad in the sleep room, after I got some time to snuggle with them first. They had a full day yesterday between baseball and a trip to the beach at Waianae. We didn't see them until 8:30, and when we got the teary eyes and quivery lips when it was time to go home, we thought it would be a good night for a sleepover. They asked last night "if Abbie wakes up, will she have forgotten things?" When we told them yes, they answered, "good, then we'll make sure we don't teach her any bad words this time!!" I love how kids can always see the bright side of things.
I spent a good portion of the night reading the book of James. What a gift, to hear God speaking intimately to me through a book read by millions of people. At the end of every dip and hill and curve of this rollercoaster we find that there is hope...and hope never fails.

Saturday May 15, 5pm
After sitting with my sweet girl all night I had a good sleep and returned to find her doing well and further accessorized. She recieved her "booties" while I was gone. They look sort of like little ski boots that will help to keep her feet in a healthy position. She will wear them for two hours and then have them off for two hours. We are also turning her now, and allowing her to lay more on her side. She responded to the stimulation of putting her booties on and turning. She has also been breathing well above the ventilator today. Her blood pressure has been lower and more stable today, which is an answer to prayer! She has not needed any blood pressure meds today. She also recieved some new socks and hair "pretties" today, so we'll have a hard time choosing which one to wear after bath time tonight.
Abbie's nurse today is a fellow homeschool mom, so it has been nice to talk about "normal" stuff while sitting by her bed. We will try to get new pictures up on the site soon so that you can see how good she looks now. When I am at a loss for words, like right now, there is one little melody that comes to mind every time..."Praise Him, Praise Him, all ye little children. God is Love, God is Love..." His presence has never left us, and we are learning more about His faitfulness each day.

Saturday, May15, 5:30 am
Abbie had another stable night. Her only challenge right now is her blood pressure. She did require medication on a few occasions to keep it down. Please pray that it would be under control today. I was able to bathe her and wash her hair last night, which is the highlight of each day. We are seeing progress one inch at a time, and our hearts ache for yards and miles. I spent the middle of the night meditating on Hebrews 11 and 12, recomitting myself to run the race with endurance and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. God is working in mighty ways, and I have to be still before him, quieting the cries of my mother-heart in trust and obedience. We've gotten news of people praying in France, England, Ireland, South Africa, Russia, the United Arab Emirates, Korea, Singapore, New Zealand, Australia, Thailand, Japan, Canada as well as most of the States. It is incredible to see how God is using one tiny, precious girl to draw His people close to Him. I hope that you will seek Him today by reading His Word -- He will meet you right where you are at. Thank you for your vigilant prayers and petitions on behalf of our family and our sweet little Abigail.

Friday, 14, 5/14 8pm
Abbie continues to show her fighting spirit. She has been consistently breathing above the ventilator all day, which is an improvement. Yesterday she pretty much stayed with the vent until her more "awake" time at night. Today she often breathed at rates of 21-23 breaths per minute, which is normal for her age and a higher rate then she has been able to sustain before. Her heart rate has also been more stable today, and has shown more response to stimulation. We are still keeping an eye on her blood pressure, and we have to let her rest when it rises too high. They have been weaning her off the sodium today, and she has responded well. If she keep this up, they may start to wean her off the Mannitol tomorrow. They were also able to increase her feedings (through her nasogastral tube) today.
As I was doing her physical therapy with her today she responded both with her legs and her arms, which was thrilling to me. She also responds to my singing, but I'm afraid that could be classified as a response to painful stimulus.
I also want to share with you how God is speaking through his people. We have some friends in church who walked this road with a newborn daughter years ago in Canada. Her dad stopped by today and apologized that he's not been by more, but that it brings back the pain -- which I totally understand. He said that he promised God that he would be obedient today, and came by to share a certain scripture with me. This scripture was given to his wife the night his infant daughter began to get better, against the doctor's prognosis. I started bawling as he read Matthew 8:17 "in order that what was spoken through Isaiah the prophet might be fulfilled, saying, 'He himself took away our infirmities, and carried away our diseases.", because this is the very verse God gave me to cling to during the CT scan yesterday. Although I've read that passage in the Bible many times, that verse stood out as if it were a billboard. You just never know when God is going to use you to deliver a message of hope and encouragement!
Ashley, Abbie's beloved babysitter, is with her right now. As Ashley put it, "I always spend Friday night with Abbie, so I don't see a reason to stop now."
The support we are receiving continues to overwhelm us, especially as we are now entering the second weekend. I wish I could tell you how much it lifts us up to read your messages in the middle of the night!
I am praying that we will be like Joshua and Caleb when they were sent to spy out the Promised Land. They saw the same giants that the other ten spies did, yet they said "we shall surely overcome." There are giants facing Abbie and us, yet we believe that the power of God can overcome any obstacle to accomplish His will. We also recognize that, despite their faith, Joshua and Caleb still had to wander in the desert for 40 years before they could enter the Promised Land. We pray for endurance and faithfulness as we walk this journey. Your prayers are a large portion of the manna that He gives us each day.

Thursday. May 13 8 pm
The entire family is gathered here at the hospital to celebrate my sister's birthday. It is good to remember to laugh and enjoy each other's company. The boys are gushing about their day that included a fierce round of putt-putt golf.
Abbie did well today during both her CT scan and her EEG. Both tests showed pretty much what was expected and were non-eventful (which is good). Her brain is still swollen, but it doesn't seem to be getting more swollen. It is going to take time for the swelling to go down, so we just need to pray for her to be stable while her body does its work. There are not any more tests scheduled for the near future.
During her EEG test today I read the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5-7) over and over. The Word truly is living and met me just where I was at. At night what comes to my mind and heart are not so much cries of desperation or grief (although both linger in my heart), but songs of praise. Drawing so close to God I have seen even more clearly how infinite and perfect He is.
I am looking forward to wasing the EEG glue out of Abbie's hair tonight and giving her a good back massage. For this day, please just pray that her swelling would begin to go down and that she would remain stable.

Thursday, May 13, 5:25 am
I can't believe it's already Thursday, day 11! Abigail continues smoothly in her journey. Her doctor yesterday said that we are going to go very slowly on weaning her from the medications, doing it over the next 4-7 days. It was overwhelming to hear about a 4-7 day plan -- we have really not been looking more than an hour or two out for so long! She does have a CT scan and an EEG scheduled for today - this is one time I would really appreciate prayers for strength for Ray and I. I am so weak during the testing and waiting-for-results time. Our God is so much greater than films and tests, but the challenge to remember that is so much greater at that time. I must tell you that Ray and I feel like Moses, with all of you coming alongside to help uphold our arms during the battle. In our own strength we could not be doing this - your prayers, your concern, your encouragement are truly carrying us along, especially in those moments when we feel poured out. God is so near to us right now. He says that if we call to Him He will answer us with great and unsearchable things which we do not know (Jer 33:3), and He is fulfilling that promise daily. We are learning so much about who God is.
It was incredible to hear last night that Abbie's site had 39,000 hits from midnight 'til 4 pm yesterday -- we are truly storming the gates! But, as awesome as that is, I have to tell you that what I hung onto all night was the number 2...I was told of 2 people by name yesterday who came to Christ this week because they were drawn by Abbie's situation. It is difficult for me to fathom that their eternal destiny was changed by Abbie's trial. Praise our God who takes what was intended for evil and uses it for the ultimate good!
Prayer requests for today continue to be stability, stability, stability...especially when they move her for her CT scan. Her momma's heart is weak and doesn't handle variations on the monitor very well. I wish you all could see her. She is so beautiful and strong, with skin softer than anything you've ever felt.

Wednesday, May12, 4:45 am
Abbie has been solid as a rock all night - so much so that I am going to bed soon. She is becoming more and more responsive to touch even though she is still sedated. Her new move for the day was raising her entire left arm, both when tape was removed from her right arm and during her bath. This day should begin the reduction of her Mannitol (brain swelling medication), so please pray that the process goes smoothly and she reacts calmly. It will be a tense day for us as this process begins, so we covet your prayers for strength and hope. We are seeing a large miracle unfold one little miracle at a time.

Tuesday, May 11, 6:00
Abbie continues to rest well and her vitals have remained stable all day. She has developed a reaction to the tape being used to secure her IV lines. When they removed some of the tape today she flinched several times, which is encouraging. The current plan to to back down very slowly (over 3-4 days) on the levels of mannitol and sodium that are helping with her brain swelling.
I have debated all day on how much to include in this update, because we are on such violent rollercoaster, and things change from one moment to the next. I have chosen to include mostly positive things, but after consideration, I want to include you on the journey our family took last night. I want to share with you how powerful, awesome, and steadfast is our God.
Abbie had an episode early in the evening yesterday when they turned down her ventilation rates. She did not respond well, and they had to work to stabilize her. Fairly soon after this Ray and I had a chance to look at her CT scan from yesterday morning with the neurologist. The findings were very sobering. This then led to a discussion between the neurologist, the intensivist (ICU Dr.), Ray and I, about how this seemed to be the beginning of the end. After much discussion, Ray and I concluded that we wanted Abigail to peacefully go to Jesus being rocked and sang to by her family. We determined that today (Tues.) would probably be the day for it. Ray and I, while heartbroken, were at peace knowing that she would be waiting for us in heaven with a Father who loves her infinitely.
We brought my parents and brother-in-law in and walked them through our decision making process. It was gut-wrenching to see my father sob for Abbie, but yet, peace filled the room. We then turned to the task of telling the kids. Chase and Crystal had a fairly good understanding of the gravity of Abbie's condition, but Kyle and the twins did not. We did not want anyone to be surprised the next day. We brought the big three in one by one and the twins in together. Ray was amazing, as God gave him just the right words to tell each child about Abbie going home to Jesus.
After we were done, I took Matthew in to see her. He looked up at the monitors and said "Mom, if her heart is beating 108 times a minute, why can't she heal?" I explained that while her body is OK, her brain is very hurt and that it's the brain that makes the body work. He asked, "Well, can't we just brainwash her?" He was just not ready to give up on his sissy.
So, after coming to the brink of letting her go, I went in to see her and Abbie was breathing above the ventilator. She did this all night, and her vital signs were as stable as they ever have been.
Her pediatrician has been a godsend, and a real advocate for Abbie from Day 1, and she agrees wholeheartedly with us that while Abbie continues to fight, we will support her.
I again felt Abraham's heart. In the ambulance, as she was not responding to rescuscitation efforts, I kneeled by her, touched her foot, and laid her on the altar in faith. Last night, we laid her at the altar again, trusting God to help us survive the grief that comes in waves that sometimes become overwhelming. Our Abba Father answered almost immediately, and gave her back to us -- if not forever, then for a least one more peaceful day. I was able to help bathe her and brush her hair again last night, and the sweetness of those moments was so pure.
The swelling in her right leg is almost completely gone - praise God! Please just pray for continued stability for her, and keep claiming God's promises, for they are all true.
The promise I clung to last night was that this is all "temporary and light affliction" and won't compare to the glory to come. Well, if something this heart-wrenching can be termed "light" I cannot begin to fathom the wonder of the things the Father is preparing for us in Heaven!
Just know, that as I pray over Abbie I ask the Holy Spirit to use me as a conduit for all your prayers..and He does. The power is impossible to describe. Just know, that you are physically and spiritually touching Abbie every day!

Tuesday, May 11, 5:30 AM
We were expecting Abbie to struggle through this night, and God surprised us yet again with her smoothest night yet. Her vitals were as stable as they have been. The swelling remains under control as measured by those stable vitals and her pupils which remained equal and reactive all night. She coughed spontaneously in the night, which is no small thing. We have her a sponge bath around 3 and put a new "pretty" in her hair..she is quite the ICU Fashion Diva. She responded well to the bath and we noted a rise in both her heart rate and blood pressure. Today will hopefully just bring more of the same -- watchful waiting. Please pray for continued stability and controlled swelling. Those will be the major specific prayer requests for the day. I will post any new ones in the guest book throughout the day. All the kids spent the night with us tonight. The twins snuggled in the sleeproom bed with Ray, which was such a tender sight to see and medicine for my soul. The "Big 3", Crystal, Chase, and Kyle slept in the conference room after staying up waaaayy too late keeping Abbie company and being spoiled by the nurses. His yoke is easy and His burden is light, in Him (and only Him) we are finding rest. Your prayers and thoughts, your visits and help are helping our family more than you can imagine...you all are truly the hands of Christ.

Tuesday, May 11, 12:20am
Abbie is resting well and continues to breath above the respirator. They had to hyperventilate her today to help control the swelling in her brain, but she is back down at a level at which she can assist. The staff moved her onto a special bed today which circulates air all around under her so that her skin will not get bed sores. It looks so comfortable that I am tempted to get on it with her! We have allowed the kids to stay tonight to spend some extra time with Abbie. Please pray that Abbie would continue to show her strength tomorrow by assisting with her breathing and keeping her vital signs stable. Although at times I feel that I am poured out, I know that God is faithful. Grief and fear wash over me in waves, but yet I hope, and that hope is so much greater than anything that this world holds. I covet your prayers for strength and eternal perspective. You are blessing us beyond measure by praying for our sweet little girl and our family.

Monday, May10, 6PM Praise to our Father, her swelling is under control with the medication. Her pupils continue to be equal and "briskly reactive". She has a comfy new bed that circulates air underneath her to protect her skin. The battle rages, and she is standing firm on the power of your prayers.

Monday, 3:30pm Due to continued swelling, Abbie remains sedated today. Please pray specifically that the medication for brain swelling (mannitol) would keep her swelling under control. Pray that her vitals remain stable. She continues to give us signs that she is fighting, such as coughing when they suction her. We feel the power of your continued prayer.

Monday May 10, 5:30 AM
Abbie is looking and smelling beautiful after a sponge bath and hair wash. What a sweet pleasure it was to brush her hair and put her "pretty" back in it. She has had a great night, staying stable while continuing to assist in her breathing despite being sedated. God is continuing to speak through His people to comfort and encourage Ray and I and the family. Ray gave our testimony about this week during both church services yesterday, and although I stayed to be with Abbie, he did the incredible job I knew he would. God has given him such strength to support both Abbie and I, and Ray is walking so closely with his Lord that it is beautiful to see. With the exception of a nap from 11-1 I have been up since yesterday AM, so I will probably try to get a nap after shift change at 7AM. I covet your prayers while I am sleeping, as this will be an important day for Abbie. They will be cutting back on the sedation, and we will have a chance to see a little more of her emerge..we wait expectantly to see what our Jehovah God is going to do!